Runaway

Jamiroquai has some of the best bass lines out there. Or at least one of them for the song Runaway. So sexy. Speaking of bass, I'm looking to save up and buy a $1,600.00 bass. Music Man Bongo 5 HH LH! Hell yeah, get all the sounds i'm looking for. 

Sooooo home sucks. I don't know what is supposed to be here for me. Family is good, but only so much. And I really one have 2 friends to hang out with, well groups. Annd I can't just hang out those groups every night, apparently. I wish I had some friends who held parties or something. I guess I just never got popular hurr. Oh well. Come January i'll be back up in Hoboken and happy. Til then i'm just in no-pussy, everyone has a girlfriend, no-fun land. No offense Hamilton, and I know I bitch a lot, but you suck.

But where as most problems, just mentioning it to someone or something fixes it. No boredom fixes itself when you mention it. In fact it's best not to mention it. because then you just make it obvious to other peoplethey are bored too. And in places like these, boredom isall the time. 

Oh well.

"I just want to runaway 

Turn me loose 
Got people around running me down I cant stay 
WOO 
I just want to get away, I just want to get away now. 
Get them off my back today "

Blackbirds Vs. Crows

Sister back in the hospital.

Lack of good grades.

Fuck ups at the business fair.

Still alone, so lonesome.

That urking feeling still that I can't get along with anyone else. That there's just no one for me.

Makes me wish I didn't care about any of these things. 

Awesome analogy

How parties work in respect to guys and girls and their respective ratios.

(11:01:16 PM) Me: Think about it like this
(11:01:38 PM) Me: You're walking down the street and you see one food cart
(11:01:46 PM) Me: everyone who wants food, will be there
(11:02:18 PM) Me: If one guy is ordering, and some other guy rushesin saying he needs a lot of food from that cart and is flashing a $100 dollar bill
(11:02:38 PM) Me: the cart guy will start seving the guy with the $100 dollar bill instead of the other guy(s)
(11:03:02 PM) Me: Now, imagine you're walking down the street in NYC, and you see three food carts in close proximity
(11:03:05 PM) Me: What happens,
(11:03:23 PM) Me: People don't choose one over the other, but the cart people yell "You look hungry! come here and eat!"
(11:03:41 PM) Me: in order to get customers
(11:03:54 PM) Me: It's the same thing with ratios of guys to girls
(11:04:09 PM) Me: If theres more people than food carts,the food cart just has to be there, and it'll get action
(11:04:35 PM) Me: if there'smore food carts than people, then the food cart guy has to be on his A Game to get food sold
(11:04:55 PM) Me: And whoever offers the best upfront deal, wins. 

Uncanny

My eye is twitching. It won't stop. It's been doing it for a while now...God I love stress.

Sister keeps going in an out of the hospital and it was talked about how a kidney might be given...one of mine. Not only that, but she's really pushing this new relationship of hers on me, and I don't...not care, but I don't need to be thrown into it. Just like how another member of my family does it to me too. 

Aaaah relationships. Everyone's in one...tis the season to find desperate people so we don't feel alone on the holidays. I'm just getting used to this single thing. Haha, lies. Really getting tired of being alone.

Started talking to people again. She was there for the summer, and half of this semester now, haha. She keeps me sane and she makes me happy, whatever is whatever is how i feel on the subject. We talk on the phone, and i'm content with whatever happens.

I've really been digging that feeling, whatever happens, happens and I can't do much to change it. Women, friends, drama, life in general. DOesn't mean I will like it or not, but why linger on it.

Been home for a few days, I wanna leave again pretty badly. I Just have a horrible vibe of this town now a days. Love the friends and family, but I'm just not happy here. It seems like a step back, as one person would refer to it as "Old Kevin" and I like to think theres a "new Kevin. " Old Kevin was very wierdo, and while Kevin is still wierd, he knows how to restrain it so he doesn't come off as creepy to people.  Old Kevin wore whatever, New Kevin is working on his self image, a regular socialite, and clothes that fit it. regardless, though I'm still KEvin in general, it seems most people here don't like how i've changed. And who would? Change is never good it seems, espeically for people still in this town, nothing has changed for them, so the fact i've changed is a sin it seems. I get nothing but crap for how I look now a days, but I'm happy. For once i'm happy how i look.  I've got moxy building. 

I'm getting more and more cocky, and it's needed. I need to be cockier, cause i had no faith in myself before. I was down-trodden and always losing. Where I lost before, is my objective to win. But still that factor of whatever happens, happens applies. So it's kind of a I'll let this stuff happen. 

Aaaaaahhh I feel a lot better right now that I typed that out, love this blog for doing that. Though, the problem is I'm home alone on a friday night. GG Hamilton.

Someone save this person from total boredom.

Poles Apart

So, my one big stint about blogs are that people leave "Secret messages" to people. Today, I'm going to commit my one big stint to action.

You contacted me again. You pretty much were acting like you wanted me back into your life. You sat there saying that everything was my fault as to what happened...Can you blame me? The mixed messages you sent? Everything you did lead me to one conclusion, that doesn't happen too often. 

So you wanted to talk about it, by leaving a nasty comment. We brought it up, we talked about it. I even admitted I was in the wrong. You know how often that happens? Pretty much never. But you bring that out in me. I needed a little time to think about something, and that was just too much for you. You told me not to call, and now we're just poles apart. So what did you want from that? You wanted your answer then? You couldn't have been understanding enough to wait a little longer? No, you couldn't! Who knows why, but you just couldn't wait one more day, because god forbid i had shitloads of homework and stuff to do. And so now you never want to hear me call your number. 

Where do you get off? 

Why do you try to cloud yourself from me?

Marooned

She spoke of marriage and kids.

I haven't even had a girlfriend yet.

What am I doing?

The Backtrack, Foam Born

Well, it seems I started playing World of Warcraft again...

I'll let that sink in. Oops. Sorry folks.

I would suggesting skipping this entry for your minds sake.

So I'm beginning to think that I really really need to start a slope in the better direction. I seem to be reverting hardcore to my old self and it needs to stop. I started WoW again, I'm being anti-social, an asshole, and just...weirdo again. I dunno why I'm reverting it just needs to stop. Really need to work on not being alone still. I did another random mistake last night that I will full heartedly admit to anyone was a mistake, but if i did admit it, they wouldn't let it rest. No one lets anything rest around here. It's annoying. I like one girl that everyone thinks is asexual, and i still get crap for it. I hook up with one chick last year and I still get crap for it. I do anything it seems anymore and I get crap for it. Is anything I do right to anyone? Doesn't seem so. I can't admit it to anyones faces cause I don't wanna be the slovenly weak figure there telling people that something bothers me. Namely because in todays society, if something bothers you people do it more. Because people have a superiority complex, all of them. I really think it's true because people don't use jokes around here cause they're funny, but because they bite into someone. Holy shit. It's my family all over again. My sister used to do that all of the time. Maybe that's why I'm reverting. Dealing with this old enemy.... seems like my past will never stop haunting me.

I'm just not in control anymore i feel. No matter what I do it seems nothing changes no matter how hard i try to change. Not saying God is spiting me or anything, it's just it almost seems like it's just a fate. Which is funny cause I don't like to believe in fate, but more and more as I lead this life it hits again and again...fate hates me. But whether I'm in control or not, I try to act like I am... but maybe thats just how everyone does it. Everyone acts like they're in control but no one really is. Backseat drivers to their own fates. 

I'm wondering if a psychiatrist might be able to help me. I dunno what to do anymore. 

It's raining outside. I always feel the rain means a change in life, a sort of rebirth. I guess i get that idea from movies where rain/water is used to mean purification of someone's character... that something gets resolved. Generally means the story is going to change pace or direction. 

Oh well. Let's hope this realization will help me change the world I'm in.