Long Distance Runaround

It seems no matter how far we go, we run right back to where we started. I've come so far from where I started last year, and yet I almost feel like I'm back where I was. Where I thought I left petty drama, it comes right back.

This time...I supposedly hooked up with someone, when I didn't. har har. I love rumors.

Anyway, thats not really on my mind that much...I had a dream about her again. We fixed out differences and were just watching like Discovery Channel... and everything was cool when the dream began to end. I woke up, and realized that even though it felt real. It would never happen.

I talked to Justin about it, and I guess I came to the conclussion that the reason I enjoyed her company was because everything about her and I was unrational and i love rationalizing things. It was like a mystery I couldn't solve. The Moby Dick of my minds ability to unravel a problem. I fucked up. I'm not saying she's perfectly was doing all right to me, but I did fuck up. And I think it's been too long for me to fix anything. I did some fucked up things in my life, but what I did that night was....beyond anything I've ever done.

I told Justin one day that I can hit lower than anyone could possibly do. He's almost afraid to talk to me, and he asks if every one of my jokes are the lowest. There are two people I've gone my lowest on, and one of them was her... and the other I don't like to talk about.

Anyway, I'm failing a class. Thermodynamics. Another Moby Dick to me. I studied about 10 hours and nothing. 29 on my test. I don't know how to fix it. Oh well. We'll see.

So the fraternity is blaming me for being a horrible Rush Chair even though...I kinda have done better than last semester and the one before that, and the one before that; effort wise. Yet I'm getting shit. Why? Because I'm the only one who cares about getting rushes it seems. Sure everyone is like "Rush chairs job to do it" But i can't go get rushee's for the whole house you know. Oh well!

I don't know socially wtf is going on. Haha, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. And some weird side of me has errupted. I'm like really nerdy lately. I'm kinda being really....me. Which is bad thing. Everyone says it. I always get the "you're creepy" thing. Then stop fucking talking to me. If you think I'm creepy, then go away.

Getting tired of people pointing out my flaws all the time.

Things I'm tired of hearing
1. My being single
2. I'm a bitch for having had ULCERS and stomach problems.
3. I'm creepy
4. I'm too skinny
5. I'm an idiot.
6. I'm a failure.

I KNOW these things. Maybe if I heard some compliments once in a while, I'd be happier. But my compliments coming my way, are few and far between. Kinda gets old.

Oh well. FML