The King is Dead

Where do I turn myself in? Where do I say "Hey, you win, I give up" ? Because I'm ready to give in. It's basically useless to try.

I'm pathetic, I'm ugly, I'm just not wanted for some reason. People say I'm a creeper, maybe I am... I dunno how to fix that if it's true. Is it my skin and bones body? Probably a good deal of it. And that's impossible to fix, because my metabolism hates me. Everyone is afraid to gain weight, I'm afraid to lose it, and I do. But I digress...That can't be my only problem.

It's just, I've tried so many times for anything. And nothing ever comes of it. Nothing I do merits a reward, and i don't get one for trying apparently. I've just got no Game. That's right VP FriendZone, you win. You have more game than I do; because apparently mine is 0.

It's just. What do I do now? I'm not switching sides on it. I'm not even thinking that. I'm just....lost. So lost. So lonely. and I don't know what I should do about it. So far, as I've been told, three girls have liked me. Each of those is a nice person, but not a relationship I really wanna go that far into. It's not that I dont enjoy being around those people, it's just I don't see those qualities in them. But three?! THREE!? out of how many people I know!? And how about all the countless girls I've tried myself!? NONE.


WHERE DID I GO WRONG IN LIFE!? What is this supposed to do for me? I can't even regret not dating anyone, because either I know i'd be unhappy with one of those three, or I don't know what I did wrong with those of which I tried and failed. I give up.

I give up. You win, deity or fate or whatever the fuck does this to me. You fucking win. Good job.

Don't worry. I'm not thinking anything like suicide. I'm not stupid. I'm just fucking pissed off, and depressed. Yeah, I'm horribly depressed right now. And it won't subside soon and I don't know how to fix it. I tried hanging out with friends, that just made it worse.

By the way, anyone who uses racial slurs is a fucking cunt, even if you don't mean it. I'm sick and tired of hearing them.

Ugh, i'm gonna sleep. I'm...just tired. of everything. Friends, Family, Relationships (or COMPLETE LACK THERE OF). Cause as I see it, they are the three social aspects of life. and I'm completely void, a total failure in one THIRD of social life.

And you know what's funny? I've told this to x amount of people, and no one has any better advice than, "You'll find someone amazing" "Don't worry it'll happen soon"

Yeah. You know what? FUCK YOU

I'm so fucking TIRED of hearing that. It doesn't help! That's telling me that I'm going to be waiting LONGER when I've already been waiting 19 years. Maybe I'm just supposed to be alone. For the rest of my fucking life. Just quit college and go play WoW or something. Dig a hole and never come out. (Still no thoughts of suicide, no worries)

I'm done with trying. But can I really say that? No. I'll try still. But now I just have no confidence in myself. Not just in that aspect. In everything and anything.